2010 is a bad year.

granted, i got pretty far in that songwriting thing (collaboration with friends, i must qualify. not wholly my work alone), but academically i'm in a slump!

and i don't know why i'm so slow in doing anything. why do i procrastinate whenever it comes to creating something...

i could have finished all my panels in time, i realise, if i hadn't spent so much time cheap jerseyson photoshopping the earlier panel(s). thank goodness i bothered to create 2 panels a week before. else i'd only have ONE.

should have just printed out the other panels on thursday and get it stamped as 'late'.

and my model making skills are so cui. take so long, so little done!? why, why (friend said it's because i measure everything from scratch instead of pasting the printed plan over the material and cut along the lines, but i'm sure even if i had done all that i'd take a long time still).

i don't feel like i'm intelligent anymore! then again, i never thought of myselfcheap soccer jerseys as intelligent, really. at least not until certain times in jc (science classes), post-jc/army, and 2009. apart from those years, i've thought i was pretty dumb. and i'm beginning to think so right now.

rather, i think i'm reaching the horizontal asymptote in my learning curve, when many other people are still climbing up. that's scary, really. maybe i've been really great till i was 21. from here on maybe i'll get brain retardation (you can't fully stop nature, can you) and i start getting more Bs and Cs. and watch as people who didn't do as well in uniform (primary till pre-university) school soar in university and beyond.

i just need a BREAKTHROUGH. to clear my mental blocks i've set up. or, at the very least enjoy what i'm doing.

come to think of it, i NEVER ONCE hated music composition way back in jc, when i How to buy custom made jerseyscould spend whole afternoons sitting at the computer and only coming up with a few bars of music (looks like my low productivity problem has manifested since a long time ago). but i so enjoy listening to the funny sounds i made on sibelius, trying to twiddle with the rhythms, change pitch, add staccato and legato marks... and looking (listening, rather) back, i laugh at the lameness of some of the music.

i had told myself, when i chose my university course, i'd be able to find the true passion for it. like how i managed to survive pre-university music. i'm NOT saying i HATE my course or the discipline, but something i've been doing kills much of the fun.

you know, my attitude last year is different from what it is today. waaay back when i first started mlb jerseys cheapout i honestly thought i was better and was in a good placing to do well, even top (because of stupid things like which jc i was from, figuring out how many other people bettered my 'a' level results, figuring out that people aren't very good/critical thinkers from the way they speak etc.) and, you know what, i DID top the level once (1st place shared with at least 3-4 others).

but that' just ONCE, i thought. and so, the previous couple of months i told myself it'cheap nfl jerseyss not possible to stay there forever, and that i'll drop down someday. and i really did fall (quite terribly, an overall 0.3 drop in CAP... that's 0.6 less in that sem compared with the previous sem).

not possible to hang on to the elusive 4.5.... i think i just hope i don't fall below a 4.0 and get a 2nd lower (sounds yucky right).

i like to believe the CAP is still important because if you can do well in design as well as the other modules, it shows you're really good in design (duh), but also, importantly (which so many people miss out), you're probably really intelligent and can THINK. i still don't understand why some people are enamoured with just pretty things. where's the practicality, the real issues? the philosophy, the ideologies? i had thought people in my course are supposed to be 'the s(m)exiest professionals' according to a global survey.

HAA, so not true.

and i'm afraid i'm now classified as mediocre/average.